Resolution

I haven’t written much lately. The ideas come to me at times when I cannot capture them – often in the car, shuttling to or from school, or as I am tending to the minutia of daily life and when I am finally able to sit and write, they are gone. But it’s more than that. We are again – still – on the cusp of major life transitions, and hovering neither here nor there has left me unsettled.

I am a planner by nature. A researcher. Collector of details and tidbits. The state of unknown is unnerving. I over-research – there are so many options – and then I pull myself to a halt. Breathe, I say. Wait.

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I know it’s February, but I had planned to write about New Year’s Resolutions sometime in January. If I were a person who made resolutions of the goal-setting type, I might resolve to follow through on planned posts. But instead, I view the new year as an opportunity to look back, then look forward. To focus and set goals. To see what’s working and what could change.

I do this in the Fall, too. The combination of the Jewish New Year and the start of a new school year always seems a time of reassessment and refresh.

I am making some commitments this year. To improve my health, both physical and mental. To connect more with my family. To continue to work for a better world for my children. I know self-help seminars suggest setting small, manageable goals but I think sometimes what I’m missing is a sense of focus, a way to help direct and reign in my scattered thoughts, procrastination, distraction. I think a set of broad goals or commitments, posted on the wall or scrawled in my journal, easy to look to when I feel myself wandering. Does this work toward one of my goals? What could I be doing differently to get back on my path?

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It’s easy to get paralyzed by the unknown. I have found myself hunkered down, scared to move forward because I don’t know where I’m going. But staying frozen is not the answer. I am casting my net wide, keeping options open, until the path becomes clear and I can focus again.